Young Mother. 22. Maine. Hoplessly Lost In Life.

 

my head is my worst enemy.

it always gets in my way,

its never positive thinking.

It just hurts, i see and think and feel all negative things.

But im actually happy, i should be happy, and yet alls i continue to see is bad..

i have no idea what i ever did to make my mother hate me so much. 

the things i do are never good enough, its always wrong, never right.

she complains about me and the things i do and how i raise my daughter, but shes my daughter, im not doing anything wrong. my world revolves around her, she is my life, im with her all day everyday, except for the days im at school trying to finish to better our lives, but its never good enough.

Alls i get is shit……

i just dont get it

my heart breaks everyday just a little more.

only because I’m so unsure of whats going on still.

Your so sweet and I love every single thing about you, but I’m still not 100% sure on where I stand with you. I fall in love with you a little more everyday, but each morning I wake up and feel my heart fill up more with the idea of you, my head gets that much more afraid that it will all just go away again. That you’ll just leave for no reason again..

Love, the most euphorically painful thing in the world. 

Rant…

The amount of drama I have had the pleasure of being a part of within the last week is really just funny, I’ve been called a home wrecking whore/slut more times then I could count. Been called disgusting countless times, And was also referred to as a horse faced cunt, and told I have dinosaur teeth.

What these girls don’t realize is that I’ve heard it all before.

My looks have been picked on since I started school, I’ve been called everything in the book as far as bucktooth, beaver, overbite face, you think of it, chances are I’ve been called. More likely by someone who was supposed to be my friend.

As for being called a slut and shit, that’s just funny. I keep any part of my sexual life as private as possible, it is no one else’s business. Where as the girls who were ganging up on me, most of them, brag about who and what they’ve done. I’ve heard more nasty stories come out of there own mouths then others.

The reality of my age difference with girls who are only a few years younger then me is just unreal. I had my fair share of fights in high school, but this is crazy. I find it alarming the length that girls will go to make someone else feel like shit. 

News flash girls, I don’t hate myself any less then I already did. You failed in whatever it was you were trying to do. And as far as the one girl that began all of this goes, you dug your own grave. He chose to break up with you on his own, no one persuaded him. The amount of drama you chose to bring into your relationship was reason enough for him to drop it all.

Moral of the rant = My life is a real world drama, NO ONE could come up with the shit I go through..

I know I’m never going to be good enough for you. 

I know I’m not her.

But believe me when I tell you I love you,

More and More everyday.

And no matter what,

She will never love you more,

Or need you more then I do.

Always and forever.

I’m never going anywhere..

you tell me to do something, i do it

you freak the fuck out on me

awesome….